- Steal the book while the sun rises over the horizon.
- Run out of the store with the book.
- Pull the fire alarm and walk out with the book when everyone evacuates.
- Use counterfeit money to buy the book.
- Balance the book on your head and walk out.
- Using rubber bands, attach a book under each shoe and walk out.
- Buy a piece of candy while the book is under your arm. Walk out holding the receipt for the candy.
- Put the book in a shopping bag from a nearby clothing store. Put a nicely folded shirt on top of the book.
- Throw the book in the air over the detector and catch it on the other side. Do this casually.
- Flip through every page of the book looking for a magnetic sensor. If you find one, remove it.
Walk out with the book.
- Flip through every page of the book, and while you are doing that, read the entire book in the store. Leave the store with the book in your memory.
- Put the book in your friend's bag when they are not looking.
- Put the book in your bag when no one is looking.
- Put the book inside a folded newspaper you are holding in your hand.
- Put the book on the floor near the store's entrance. When someone enters the store kick the book out the door.
- Photograph every page of the book with a digital camera.
- Seal the book into an envelope that is stamped and addressed. It is a federal crime to open someone else's mail.
- Roller skate out of the store with the book in your hand.
- Wear a shirt with an image of a naked girl. Hold the book away from your shirt (where everyone is looking) and walk out.
- Dress like an employee of the store and walk out with the book in your hands.
- Take the book on Halloween dressed as Dracula.
- Take the book on Christmas dressed as Santa Claus.
- Have your little brother hold the book as you both exit the store.
- With a group of people, have everyone hold the book as you all exit. Who stole the book if ten people are all touching it?
- Put the book underneath a baby in a baby stroller.
- Cut the store's power supply after the sun has gone down. Exit in the dark with the book.
- Bring a fog machine into the store. Exit with the book in the haze.
- Put helium balloons in front of all the surveillance cameras in the store and take the book.
- Throw the book outside an open window in the store.
- Smash a hole in the store's window. Throw the book through the hole.
- Put the book inside a super sized soda cup and walk out pretending to drink the soda.
- Drop the book in an upside down slightly opened umbrella.
- Kindheartedly open the store's door for an elderly person who is exiting.
- Leave behind them with the book.
- Buy the book, photocopy it, return it for a refund.
- Buy the book, read it, return it for a refund.
- Buy the book and take it home. Leave it at your house. Return to the store and find a copy of the same book. With your receipt, "return" that copy for a refund.
- Release a wild dog in the store. Exit with the book during the commotion.
- Release a cinghiale in the store. Exit with the book during the commotion.
- For the book that you don't want, that no one should see, throw it into a trash can inside the store. The store will get rid of it for you.
- For the book that you want, put it in the trash can inside the store. Collect it from the outside dumpster later that night.
- Steal the book from your friend's bookshelf.
- Go out the emergency exit with the book.
- Put the book in a bouquet of red roses.
- Put the book in a bouquet of white roses.
- Make a birthday present box with a trap door on the bottom. Slip the book into the box.
- Hide the book inside a fake rock.
- Put the book inside a cake.
- Walk in the store holding a big mirror. The employees will be distracted looking at their own reflection. Hold the book behind the mirror.
- Fill a bag with the books you want. Make it heavier than you can carry.
- Ask an employee to help you carry it outside.
- Put the book inside an empty cereal box. Glue the box shut inside the store.
- Place a newspaper or magazine (that you brought into the store) on top of the book. Pick up the newspaper or magazine holding the book underneath it. Walk out.
- Wearing a coat, put the book under your arm inside your coat.
- Put the book you want near the door. Come back later in the day. Enter the store, grab it, and immediately walk out.
- Set off a bright flash in the store. Exit while everyone's sight is adjusting.
- Set off explosives in the store to make a loud noise. Exit as they go off.
- Steal the book with a bloody nose.
- Cover the book in thinly sliced mortadella and walk out.
- Yell "shoplifter!" and point to someone. When everyone looks, walk out with the book.
- Cook up some garlic in olive oil in the store. Exit with the book while everyone is caught in the ecstasy of the aroma.
- Give all the employees in the store LSD. When they are peaking, exit with the book.
- Put the book inside a bag of Japanese rice that you happen to be carrying with you.
- Unplug the store's detection device by pulling the cord out of the electrical socket. Walk out with the book.
- Step in dog poop and drag your feet through the store. When people begin to notice the foul smell, make your exit with the book.
- Ask your friend to streak through the store. Exit with the book while everyone is distracted.
- Call your friend with your cell phone and read them the book.
- Copy the entire book by hand in the store.
- If the alarm goes off when you walk out make a coughing noise louder than the alarm.
- Bring a stapler and a paper bag into the store. Put the book in the bag and staple it shut. No one will question a stapled bag.
- Steal the book one page at a time from different stores.
- Dress up as a cop and walk out of the store holding the book.
- Tie the book to a dog and walk the dog out of the store.
- Bring a briefcase with a lock into the store. Put the book in the briefcase and lock it. Leave the briefcase somewhere in the store and leave. Come back later and ask if a briefcase was found. Leave with the briefcase still locked. If they ask you to open it, tell them the key is at your house.
- Crumble up the book and mark some pages with a pencil so it looks like you have been reading it for a while.
- Steal the book in an obvious and over exaggerated manner. They may be too confused to think that you are actually stealing something.
- Organize 50 people to steal books at the same time in the same store.
- Organize 50 people to steal books at the same time in different stores.
- Walk in the store with one of your own books that you don't want. Tell the employees that you are holding your own book. Replace it on the shelf with a different book and leave.
- Dress up like a stereotypical criminal by wearing a hat, a mask, a striped shirt, and carrying a bag with a "$" on it. Put the book in your "$" bag and walk out.
- Steal the book while you are crying. 82. Steal the book while the sun is setting.
This publication originated as a conversation in The Classroom at the 2011 New York Art Book Fair. The Classroom is a series of informal events organized by David Senior, Museum of Modern Art Library.
Kunstjournalen B-post #1_13: Assembly, Momentum, LIAF